Developing a Safer Caring Plan

Children should call you by your first name.

Discourage the child/young person from calling you 'mummy' or 'daddy' because it causes confusion about their own family.

Physical Contact

You must provide a level of care, including physical contact, which demonstrates warmth, respect and a positive regard for children.

Physical contact should be given in a manner, which is safe, and protective.

The following include areas which could involve physical contact and which you might want to include in your Safer Caring Plan:

Showing Affection

Building relationships with children/young people is key to any success. One of the responsibilities as foster carers is to work with the children/young people to provide opportunities for forming and benefiting from positive relationships with adults and those who we interact with.

Warmth and understanding are essential, but everyone needs to know and understand when a relationship is inappropriate. Showing affection is a very important part of your caring role and should never be avoided because of the fear of allegations.

Children/young people who have suffered many unexpected losses in adult relationships are likely to be constantly fearful of being abandoned again. It must be acknowledged that the child/young person you are caring for has suffered a loss in their life as they are not living at home with their parent/s.

Children/young people should always be asked first if they would like a kiss, hug or a cuddle. They need to be taught by a caring adult to say ‘no’ if they do not want to be touched and what touch is appropriate touch.

Families will all have different ways of showing affection and you need to be careful not to impose your way on others. If touch has meant something other than affection to a child/young person in the past, they might not understand that when you try to show them affection. It is important that we talk to children about their experiences and understand what they feel comfortable with.

Listen out when children are playing and check regularly and when they go quiet or become overactive. Encourage children where possible to play in public parts of the home.

You may feel that the child should play with friends at your home particularly when you have just started caring for them. This may be more difficult when they are older children. If you are not sure, talk to your fostering social worker for advice and support.

• Put in place clear rules that say bullying is not acceptable and what actions will be taken if the foster carers suspect bullying or are told of bullying happening;
• Make it clear to children what is acceptable for all living in your home and talk about how this feels;
• Provide opportunities for children to think about the issue of bullying e.g. writing stories or poems or drawing pictures about bullying;
• Have discussions about bullying and why it matters;
• Be good role models as foster carers.

If possible, children should be supported and encouraged to undertake bathing, showers and other intimate care of themselves without relying on you. If children are too young or are unable to bathe, use the toilet or undertake other hygiene routines, arrangements should be made for you to assist them. Unless otherwise agreed, if at all possible children should be given intimate care by adults who do not identify as a different gender.

The Bathroom/Toilet

Arrangements for intimate care of young and/or disabled child should be set out in the Placement Plan for each child.

Children who are old enough should be encouraged to wash themselves and should have privacy in the bathroom. It may be possible to sit outside the bathroom so a child remains safe yet is able to bathe in privacy.

Menstruation

Wherever possible, girls should be supported and encouraged to keep their own supply of sanitary protection without having to request it from you. There should also be adequate provision for the private disposal of used sanitary protection.

Enuresis and Encopresis

If it is known or suspected that a child/young person is likely to experience enuresis, encopresis or may be prone to smearing it should be discussed openly, but with great sensitivity, with the child/young person if possible, and strategies adopted for managing it; these strategies should be outlined in the child's Placement Plan. Please be mindful of the fact that the review of the plan may be held in the presence of a variety of involved professionals and be mindful of a child or young person’s sensitivities when discussing such sensitive issues. It may be appropriate to consult a Continence Nurse or other specialist, who may advise on the most appropriate strategy to adopt. In the absence of such advice, the following should be adopted:

• Talk to the child/young person in private, openly but sensitively;
• Do not treat it as the fault of the child, or apply any form of sanction;
• Do not require the child/young person to clear up unless agreed as part of the treatment strategy;
• Be supportive and out of the sight of the child/young person wash any soiled bedding and clothes;
• Keep a record and share this with the social worker and fostering social worker;
• As part of agreed care planning you may consider making arrangements for the child/young person to have any supper in good time before retiring, and arranging for the child/young person to use the toilet before retiring; arranging for the child/young person to be woken to use the toilet during the night;
• Plan and remain calm. Consider using mattresses or bedding that can withstand soil to avoid you becoming stressed or the child/young person feel there is an issue. You can request a mattress protector from the fostering service if you need it.

Children who are old enough should be encouraged to wash themselves and should have privacy in the bathroom.

You have responsibilities towards the children you are caring for and towards those you ask to baby-sit or look after children. You need to think what you can do to avoid putting everyone at risk.

You should be clear about what your fostering social worker considers are satisfactory arrangements for caring for children when you are out and make a plan for these times. You could make an arrangement with other foster carers.

Think about who travels alone in a car with a child/young person you care for. It can be a good way of the child/young person having one-to-one contact because it can be easier to talk without any eye contact. However, a child/young person who has, or may have been, abused might feel unsafe alone in a car with an adult.

A safer rule is for you to avoid travelling alone with a child in your care. If this cannot be avoided, the child should travel in the back of the car. If there are two carers with a child/young person, it will be safer for the child/young person to be in the front of the car rather than in the back seat with one adult. Once you know the child/young person well you may want to review this situation. Specific arrangements for travelling by car need to be agreed in the Placement Plan based on level of support, need, age and any other arrangements we need to be aware of.

It should be clear in the Placement Plan who can sign to agree for the child or young person’s photo or video footage being taken in settings such as school.

If photos, videos or the internet have been part of any abuse for the child/young person, you should check the best way forward with the child/young person’s social worker.

It is always helpful when you do take photos or videos, to ask the child/young person's permission first and make sure that they get copies and that they know who else will see them and why.

Be sensitive to how children react to having their photo taken. Do not take photos of children having a bath or wearing no clothes.

When the child/young person uses the internet, take an interest in what they do and agree, when, where and how they will use it. Use software that filters inappropriate material for children.

Also see: Internet, Photographs and Mobile Phones.

Children with a disability may be particularly vulnerable to abuse.

There may be more of a need for intimate personal care. Where a child/young person has a disability or complex health needs, you should speak to the child/young person’s social worker for advice.

Foster carers will need to make sure that a child/young person with communication difficulties is able to express their wishes about personal care, and this should also be recorded.

It is important for people to dress appropriately when in the house. Make sure that your family, and children you care for have nightwear and respect each other’s views and privacy when moving around your home.

Some parents like to let young children get into their bed to talk and listen to stories or to be comforted when they are not well. It is one of the dilemmas you face when as a family you are trying to give your own children a positive upbringing whilst wanting to provide a safe environment for the children in your care.

Sharing your bed can trigger the memory of abuse and give the wrong messages about what might happen and what is acceptable. It will be safer to provide all children with a time of affection outside your bedroom, telling stories and maybe having a hot drink together.

Your plan should be clear about bedroom routines.

Children over the age of 3 should have their own room but there are exceptional circumstances when children can share when assessed as appropriate. When this happens, they should have their own space in the room and somewhere to store personal possessions.

Children should not share beds. It may be decided that you should knock on their bedroom door before going in.

Some children who have been abused might need their own space so that they learn that they have the right to be safe and private. The most important thing is for them to have somewhere to keep their belongings safe.

Talk to the child/young person about what feels right for them, such as lighting, sounds and routines.

Bedtimes are an opportunity for you to show care and warmth towards the child/young person, striking the balance between rules and safe caring needs to be found for each individual child/young person. The rules are similar to bath time. Consideration should be given to whether the child/young person’s previous experiences and preferences mean it might be better for either a carer identifying as a particular gender to carry out this task, or for both joint carers to do it. You should leave the door open when putting children to bed.

Relationships and sex education is important for all of us as we grow up. This should also be age appropriate. Children need to be helped to think about what makes a good friend and what makes a bad friend. They need to learn how to avoid situations that might put them at risk of abuse and how to protect themselves and others. Children need to learn how to say ‘no’. You need to know how to explain the difference between what is and is not acceptable behaviour. You will need to work with members of the care team to support any changes to a child/young person’s understanding and behaviours which may not be in line with their age expectations. You may need to say that you are talking to them about relationships and sex to help them understand situations, feel safer and as part of growing up.

Families will have different approaches to this subject and how children get information about relationships, sex and sexuality and what they are told. You will need to find out from the child/young person’s social worker what the family’s approach was and the best way of working through this, particularly if the child/young person has a different cultural or religious background from your own. You may also want to check out with school/educational setting what they are doing on the subject so you can be prepared.

Providing a safer environment means that other children in your home must understand that any sexual activity with a child you are caring for is not allowed as with a biological brother or sister. See Relationships and Sex.

The most important thing is that the child/young person feels they can come and ask you questions and talk to you about the subject if they are not sure.

You should never share personal details about this subject with the child/young person.

Discuss as a family what routes you will take if a fire starts and practice an evacuation. Think about where keys are kept so everybody knows where they will be for the front and back doors and windows.

A contingency plan/back up plan should always be made and discussed with everyone in the household.