Keeping Memories

It is difficult to know where you are going if you don’t know where you came from.

For most children and young people, the birth family is the place where they have all the knowledge and memories about the child. Children separated from their families do not have daily access to this information about their background.

It becomes more difficult for them to develop a strong sense of self and to understand how the past may influence present behaviours. Without this awareness, it will be more difficult for them to make conscious choices and to take responsibility for their life journey.

It is important that children and young people have a good understanding of their background and you will help this process from the day the child is cared for by you. They should have a ‘Words and Pictures’ which is a visual explanation of why they have come to live with you. If you have not seen this, you need to ask the social worker for a copy as the child/young person may need to see this a few times to continue to make sense of their journey.

You should record the story of the child/young person's stay with you as fully as possible, including:

• Descriptions of what the child/young person was like when they arrived, what they liked and disliked;
• Details of development (e.g. learning to swim, riding a bike);
• Special memories of the child/young person;
• Birthdays, Christmas and other family celebrations/outings/holidays etc. - photos, favourite places etc.
• Details and photos of your family (including extended family), home, pets etc.
• School - photos, certificates, reports, photos of and stories from teachers;
• Family time visits;
• Significant illnesses;
• Funny stories;
• Photos and video clips of birth family with your family;
• Crafts/pictures/work completed in your home/school/playgroup.

The above work contributes to their Life Story. You should support the child to keep a memory box of all the important  things they wish to keep, such as cards, pictures, certificates. The child/young person may wish to keep this in different ways such as voice recording of trips, events and important milestones of their life.

The child/young person by their second Children Looked After Review (CLA) may have a Permanence Plan which will start to look at how a permanent alternative family can be found including considering adoption. Gathering memories will be vital as this progresses. If a child/young person returns home or to live with a family member, these memories, books and memory box will follow the child.

Life Story work/book is often helpful for children who have not been cared for by their family for a significant period of time. Making a Life Story book is about putting together an account of a child’s life in words; pictures and documents and involves helping a child to make sense of their past. This process will be co-ordinated by the child/young person's social worker and involve you, the child, parents and relatives and significant others. This is particularly helpful when the child/young person becomes an adult to help them make sense of what happened and help them to be able to understand their lived experiences.

You should keep all memories in a memory box or book specifically for the child/young person to take with them when they leave your care. You should try to keep photographs, letters, certificates and trinkets of all the positive experiences a child/young person has with you. The ‘Words and Pictures’ may also be important to keep in this memory box.