Helping a Child to Settle Into Your Home

Preparing for someone to come live with you is important. Your ‘Child Friendly Profile’ will be shared with the child/young person before they come to live with you will. This profile has pictures of your home, if you have a pet and you. 

All children will have been given information about you, your family and your home before they come to live with you unless it is an emergency. They may have also visited you before the decision for them be cared for by you was taken and may have had an introduction period where they were able to express their view about living with you.

This will hopefully help in settling a child/young person in, but all children will understand this process differently as they may be moving from their home to live with you or from another foster carer. 

Communication between you and the child’s social worker is important; ask them if there is anything you are not clear about before the child/young person is cared for by you.

Talk to all other children in the household about the child/young person to help them adjust and prepare for this change in their lives.

Some children will need more reassurance than others; some may be withdrawn or it may feel difficult for a time to support them as they express their emotions. We need to come from a supportive and caring approach as our children have lived experiences  they are trying to make sense of. We need to remember they have now moved to live with you, and this will have an impact on them and how they feel. We need to remember that their previous lived experiences shape how they see the world and we must not underestimate how this feels for them.

It is important that you are calm and reassure the child/young person setting clear boundaries and rules of the home, whilst remembering that our children need care and love. If the child/young person is withdrawn give them space but also offer times when they can talk to you or spend time with you.

If times get difficult it is important for them to know that it’s their behaviour which you object to and not them. Don’t expect things to change quickly, it may take time. You need to tell them that it is OK to be angry but it’s what they do with that anger, e.g. go for a walk, and do an activity depending on their age.

Your fostering social worker is there to help you through this - remember, discuss the difficulties as they happen and keep a record Any support, advice and guidance you must speak with your fostering social worker and reflect on these within care team meetings and supervision meetings.

Your own family will also take time to adjust. Your children may feel things have changed because some of your time is given to another child/young person. Your children may copy behaviours or responses. It will be useful to look at all this when you are developing your Safer Caring family policy. See Developing a Safer Caring Plan. You should explain to the child/young person the general rules of the house and what is expected of them. Your children may feel great support and want to help the child/young person to settle into the home. Relationships and introductions  are key to this success.

The following information will be useful and should be gathered from the child’s social worker and parents where possible

• What the child/young person prefers to be called;
• What do they like to do?
• If it is a very young child/young person, do they have a dummy or a comforter - like a teddy or a blanket? What is it called? Older children may have a comforter but may be embarrassed about anyone knowing;
• Clothes are important, if they bring any with them don’t throw them away, use them at first but then make sure you keep them as they are part of the child/young person’s memories - if the child/young person is old enough, let them choose what to wear;
• A child/young person  may be uncomfortable bathing or undressing in front of a stranger – be sensitive and find out what the child is used to;
• People who are important to the child/young person and their relationships to them including friends;
• Food - likes, dislikes, routine, special religious or cultural preferences;
• Bedtime routines;
• Skincare;
• Pets, likes and dislikes and fears;
• Hobbies and interests, clubs and activities;
• Fears or worries such as the dark;
• Medical information and allergies;
• Any communication difficulties;
• Any specific equipment e.g. if the child/young person has a disability.

If you  are caring for a Disabled Child in order to make sure the child settles, you should:

• Speak to your fostering social worker to get as much information as possible about the child and their disability;
• Have high, but realistic, expectations of the child and set clear boundaries;
• Stress the good things a child can do;
• Praise the child/young person, reassure them;
• Encourage the child/young person  to take part in a wide variety of activities;
• Help/teach them to play and mix with other children;
• Help them become as independent as possible;
• Don’t treat them differently;
• Talk to them, discuss, and explain things;
• Be patient.